I really wish this had been a conversation I had, but alas it was a conversation between a colleague (YoYoMan) and a cold caller.
Cold Caller (cc): “So sir we are conducting a survey on how your home is supplied, may I ask where you get your electricity?”
YoYoMan (YYM): “Yep we have a nuclear fission reactor under the house, this supplies us with our electricity.“
CC: “oh, is this provided by a company?“
YYM: “nope I built it myself.“
CC: “ok how is your house heated? And who is your supplier?“
YYM: “well the house is heated by the cooling system for my reactor, it’s a bit of a pain in summer mind“
CC: “ok, so if I was to offer you a price comparison and was able to find you a cheaper supplier would you be interested?“
YYM:“firstly no, as I built the reactor myself and it’s free electricity and heating, but do you have any information on companies that deal with air conditioning, and possibly someone to help deal with the reactive waste?“
CC: “what do you mean sir?“
YYM: “well I’m looking for someone who could take my spent fuel rod when the time comes, I don’t think it would be safe just to bury it in the back garden...”
CC: “one moment sir I will speak to my supervisor“.
(hold music)
CC: “I’m sorry sir my supervisor has advised I end this call. Goodbye“
So My Niece went camping with her Guide Group the weekend.
The woman in charge had been a guide leader for such a long time that she was actually the leader when my sister was in the guides. So she must have been running camping weekends for a stupid amount of years.
The camp started at 7PM on the Friday, by 1PM on the Saturday they had used up all the water supply they brought to last the full weekend, PLUS extra water my sister had dropped off with my niece due to them running out last year.
Yup. 1PM Sat I had a SOS phone call from my niece asking could I come to the camp, collect the water containers and go fill them up for them. The words Piss-up and Brewery spring to mind.
Anyone who is not reading The Bloggess’s Blog really needs to start. Jenny is a wonderful writer, and her insane posts are the highlight of the week. Basically Go read her BLOG!!
No Wait. come back. Let me tell you about her book first, then go read her blog. Because once you start reading you will become a fan. Then as a fan you will want to read her book to find out what made Jenny into TheBloggess.
And believe me, If you read her book without laughing out loud then you are dead inside, or a zombie. Don’t be a dead inside zombie. Read this book.
Read about the time she defended her dead buried dog from furious vultures with a machete. Thats she had the machete because be serious vultures may be big but theres no way they could hold and use a machete???
Just read the book, I could make up all sorts of amazing and wonderful things you will read about in the book, but none would be as wonderful as the true stuff thats in there.
So Go now, read her blog while you wait for your copy of her book to arrive.. go.. run.. run like the zombies are after you, or Chupacabra..
Sherlock V’s Jack the Ripper. In the grittiest, bloodiest Holmes book thats ever been written.
I must admit when I started reading this book I was not expecting the descriptive gruesomeness of the crimes, or the violence. And I will never look at Lestrade in the same way again. Yet somehow this more macabre version of these characters are more realistic than Doyle’s originals. I can see the police of Jack the Rippers day smashing open a few skulls in the investigation and not bothering with the niceties of red tape.
And you feel more for the characters, because of their flaws, and issues. And the ending??? I bet more than a few people have been reduced to tears in the last few pages of the story.
P.S. There is a “Gentleman’s Edition” of this book which I believe has more of the less savory bits edited out. But I would suggest you read the uncut copy, There is nothing that bad in there, and it adds realism to the story
So its 2012, the end of the world has been prophesied the human saw something strange and had an overwhelming urge to blame the French or some shadowy organisation. But not only is it 2012 AKA “The End of Days” but it is also Friday 13th the unluckiest, evilest day of all time. Now each of these dates is scary on its own, BUT COMBINED??
So if you survive the day, why not show it proud with a “I survived” T-shirt, or keychain/sticker.
Now I’m sure I have Blogged about this customer before, but for the life of me I can not remember what name I gave him (Maybe I should keep track of the names I assign people). Anyway today we shall refer to the Customer/Company/Person as Gillid*
Heres an extract of a Phone conversation that just happened.
Gillid: “Hi, I was told that since TheArchivist* no longer works there you may be able to help me!“
CN: “I may be able to, whats your problem?”
Gillid: “I have a website where I upload loads of data to it every few months, and our CMS that RedBack* made does not work so TheArchivist normally does it for me!“
CN: “No problem. If you email me the data, and let me know what is what in it, I’m sure I can sort it out for you but getting your CMS fixed may be a good idea. Now I’m not sure what you’ve been charged for the data entry in past…….”
Gillid: “Oh TheArchivist did it all for free!“
CN: “Well we won’t be doing that, you’ll have to pay for our time doing it“
Gillid: “OH. can you give me TheArchivist’s personal email address or phone number?“
CN: “No. I’m not giving out peoples personal info!“
Gillid: “ok. I’ll upload it myself!!!!” *Hangs UP*
Thirty minutes after that phone conversation the Support Department get a ticket from Gillid asking for TheArchivists contact details. They guy is seriously trying to get hold of one of our x-employees in the hope that the guy will do work for him for free while no longer being associated to the Asylum?
And after all that If it was just a quick data import into a mySQL DB I’d have probably only charged him £15 or some nominal price.
As normal Names changed to protect me from lawsuits… err I mean to protect the innocent.
“Once a month four ladies discuss a Vaginal Fantasy book in a G+ Hangout. Interpret at will.”
Thats the premise of this group off their website, and basically thats what it is. Two months back Felicia Day, Bonnie Burton, Veronica Belmont and Kiala Kazebee* teamed up to do a G+ Hangout where they discussed “Vaginal Fantasy”**, I watched the first one simply because I follow some of those ladies on the Twitters and find them very entertaining. Well individually they may be entertaining, combine them into a group, add a helping of alcohol and you get something where the combined awesomeness outweighs the total of the individual parts.
The hangout was so popular that they created a goodreads group, their own website and set it up to be a monthly hangout. Now since I am male and don’t read those lovey-dovey ladies books I did not read the first group book, but simply watched the second hangout for the comedy and fun of the event. I did feel bad, like I was failing, I had joined the book club so I should read the books, or at least try to start them. So when the book for the third hangout was posted I figured “What the hell!” its only one small book, I can give over a short time to reading it, and if I tell no one then my manliness will be safe.
The book was “Slave to Sensation” by Nalini Singh. OK the title was not the best, and the cover art!!! Lets just say “thank the gods for eBooks and leave it at that” The book itself, well the plot was a bit thin, the “Bad guy” was easily identifiable from the start, and there was a lot of just “blurring over” points, or questions. But Guys thats not the point of these books apparently, no! they are a quick read, One maybe two nights and you finish the book, so its fast pulp fiction and the main part is the “romance”.
Buy GUYS I have to let you into a secret the GALS have been keeping to themselves, the romance? well it involves SEX, lots of sex. In fact you could call it soft porn***, OK its not images or photographs, but its descriptive scenes. So just a different kind, maybe men traditionally prefer the visual stimulation and women may like the written where it plays out in their mind. So any guy who is told by a woman that porn is wrong, or she does not like it, I suggest that man have a peak at that womans book collection.
Hell, Guys, if your parter reads “chick romance books” Have a read yourself the next time they are out and you are alone with their books. Trust me, its worth the experience. And defiantly watch the Hangouts, they are one of the best shows on the interwebz at the minute.
And if you catch me reading any of these VF style books, I can assure you its for “Research Purposes” I’m just checking them out “……for a friend”
Born:William Alan Shatner; March 22, 1931 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada
William Shatner Star of Star Trek, TJ Hooker, Shit my Dad Says, Tek War, Boston Legal (& The Practice), And way too many other things to list here turns 81 today. Yes that’s right Kirk is 81, and I wish I look as young/good when I hit 81.
So we here at the Ninja Temple want to wish one of the big names in the Geek world a Very Happy 81st Birthday, and we look forward to seeing you on our TV’s for many more years.
Thanks to a push on PPI miss-sales, and attempts to get you to switch service providers (Phone, Internet, Electric, Gas, Water, Etc) plus the usual ones trying to sell Mobile Phone contracts, con you into insuring Sky etc, My incoming phone calls are 90% Cold Callers. This really annoys me because they keep interrupting me and I have added my phone number to the Governments “No cold callers list”, So I’ve now given up all pretense of being a nice polite person who politely turns down their sales pitch.
No my current method of dealing with these drones, (Which I started after the same person phoned me four times in one evening supposedly from two different companies) is to let them start their sales pitch, wait a minute then play a sound clip of
Stop Hammer time
Every time you see me that Hammer’s just so hype I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic Now why would I ever stop doing this With others makin’ records that just don’t hit I toured around the world from London to the BAY It’s Hammer go Hammer mc hammer yo hammer and the rest can go and play U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh-oh-oh) Yeah u can’t touch this
Then after all that’s played, I return to the phone with a polite “Sorry about that, it was Hammer time”
So far only one cold-caller has remained on the line to hear my response, and she was pissing herself laughing, and i heard her speak in the background “Best call EVER!!“.
I’m hoping MC Hammer can help me cut down on the callers.
